Be Happy With What You Have To Be With What You Have To Be Happy With
by The Pragmatic Pragmatist Man
Summary: The start of another Fanfiction! Introducing(trumpet fanfare) The Gentleman! Please Review. The Gentleman thanks you. Rated M for future chapters and Gentlemaness..
1. Chapter 1

_**"Mother, should I build the wall?"**_

_- Pink Floyd_

_(Gentleman likes quote.) _

_Nobody's Home_

_"Sonic."_

_"Sonic."_

_"Sonic."_

_"SONIC!"_

"What's happening!? Eggman, I'm coming for you!", yelled our rudely awoken blue-color hero.

Sonic rolled off his futon and thought,_ "Who was that yelling? Anyway, gotta save the wor-"_

He sees the situation he has awoken to. In his room was candles (Chili Dog scented), "_Something About Us" _by Caft Hunk filled the room with melodic sounds, and a certain pink hedgehog wearing just an manila-colored bra with nothing less, nothing more. thinks it compliments well with her pink skin.)

"Good evening, good-lookin."

"Well um...geez... hi.", stammered the usually confident hedgehog.

Umm...what have you done to my room? Better question, why are you in my apartment?", he said with a air of impatience.

"Isn't it obvious?", she said while playing with her bra strap. She laughed.

"We haven't had sex in awhile, you know..."

"We haven't?"

Sonic is now staring at Amy's breasts with the look of a hungry animal.

Amy notices and unstraps the bra. The breasts of the pink hedgehog were the last straw for the male instincts of Sonic.

"No,no,no.", she said as she wiggled her ring finger.

"First, read this."

She pulled out a sealed envelope from our of her purse.

Sonic nodded and opened it but every so often looked back her. She smiled back. It was so close...

It read:

_Dear Sonic,_

_Hello. Sorry to interrupt the passionate, steamy foreplay you were just having. But this is of utmost importance. I actually killed Amy a week ago. What you are "doing" is going through my patent-pending Reality/Dimension/Dream Machine made with cooperation with Dr. Neo Cortex, Dr. Ivo Robotnik, and Dr Cortex's assistant, Dr. . It is a personal Hell of one week is what you are going through. Seven days, seven friends DEAD. The name is Gentleman. I'm a figment of David's imagination. I have a lot of powers. I can break the 4th wall, talk in David's Fanfictions, participate in Role-playing etc. etc. I will really enjoy playing with you. Anyway, have a good day. Or whatever "days" are in the machine. _

_From,_

_Gentleman_

_P.S I really appreciate that you will not try Super Sonic. You are in a distorted reality. Distorted means unstable. Last time... well just don't do it. Have fun!_

Sonic, reeling from the sudden onset of information, blacks out. Before blacking out, he hears from "Amy" singing in a unnatural high-pitched sing-song voice:

_"Happy family, one hand clap, four went by and none come back."_

_¡HI HO!_

Gentleman politely demands a review form every one who reads and also read his master's other story, 2 BE OR NAUGHT 2 BE. Gentleman will watch you..


	2. Chapter 2 aka jdNznJddnnanNzaAmqQDNTJ

**Gentleman here. Please enjoy (or hate). Review or may the Gods of Fanfiction rain down flames on your horrible Fanfics! Excuse my outburst. Thank you.**

**Dr. Cortex: Who are talking with?**

**Dr. Robotnik: Ignore him. I call them "friends"**

**Gentleman: Careful. These "friends" write pretty mean stories about you. And you too, Cortex.**

**Me: Shut up! Get into places! ACTION!**

"Ok. May the 1st meeting of The Freaky 3 begin!"

Dr. Cortex grumbled, "Why is it the Freaky 3? Why it sound cool like... like..."

"Exactly." said Gentleman as he pointed a finger right at the critic. "Not a lot of good words start with "F".

"Well, we can always name things after food." said the obese scientist named Robotnik, whose obesity was caused by the very subject of his sentence.

"Aggh! Stop with the talking! We have a very important matter at hand!" shouted the Gentleman whose expression was of one who is making cookies with no measuring cups. In another words, annoyed.

He looked around the table. Dr. Robotnik was eating his 6th bear claw, Dr. Cortex was hitting on their waitresses. "_I don't blame him. She's cute. But...you don't hit on girls if they work a diner. Why you ask? Because Obamacare."_

He was about to start the meeting but a quiet meek voice said to him,

"You forgot me.", said a metallic, scratchy inhuman voice. Presumably male.

"Well, show yourself, my good friend."

He (or it) walked up to him. The entire diner was silent. Only the sizzle of the griddle was heard.

He was a small cyborg, about 5'2. He had a grotesque face, riddled with scars, big and small. His scientist suit was dirty and unkempt, smelled of broken dreams. Gentleman sniffed the air, then shuddered.

"_Gasoline? Smells like a El Camino rolled in. But where is that putrid smell coming from?" _He also looked upon the newcomer's suit. Many scientists take pride in their sparkling white scientist suit but no. Not this one. It was dirty with ash and smoke was reeking from the suit. But his most striking feature of his rather scary look was that in the left side of head and face, was a 18 inch atomic bomb. It was more shaped like a missile. And it was still on.

_"Impressive looking thing he got on his head. That's a 1999 Russian "Crazy Ivan". Made by Laboratory..." thought Robotnik._

_"That's where the smell is coming from. That bomb can explode right now! Does he control it? I must ask him..." thought Gentleman._

_"Ahh! I know this fellow! I've partnered with him a few times to try to kill the orange furball! He died when Crash tossed off into the volcano... did he? Is Uka Uka is here? thought Cortex._

The cyborg smiled.

"Ahh yes. You remember me. I'll explain everything... but no witnesses."

The 4 smiled. Gentleman smiled. "I got this."

He turned towards the customers and staff and said,

"And... boom."

The restaurant blew up into smithereens. Everyone died but a strange thing happen.

All the souls went into Gentleman's heart.

He smirked while the others were surprised.

"Your soul is mine."

Their expression changed from awe to Bitch Please face.

"Not cool"

"Below "Arrow to the knee" on the most used memes."

N. Gin said, "Well the cops are coming so what next?"

Neo Cortex grinned, "I got this. Step aside, fools.

He yelled at the cops, "FEEL THE MIGHT OF MY TWO HAND SLAP!"

He drank N. Brio's many mixes. He grimaced as he drank it all. His body changed into a... smoking hot lady.

"Tits!", said a policeman.

"No man! Bros before Hoes! Restrain thyself!", shouted his captain.

"What? Impossible!" He checked the label.

"N. Brio's thot girl to hot girl mix." Effects not permanent.

"Well that's nice."

The others were doubled up with laughter."Well, it's my turn.", said Robotnik. He pulled out a car key and clicked it twice. Then from a parking garage, a levitating crimson red Mustang.

"Now that's style.", N. Gin said.

"I'm impressed, Robotnik. Now let's pick the call girl before she gets arrested for public nudity!", yelled Gentleman as they piled into the car.

"Come on guys! They're shooting!", screamed Cortex with a girl voice.

Robotnik pushed a button and a mini gun appeared on top of the car.

It started firing. The police moved out the way and dived for cover.

"They're like dogs. They bite but a spray of the hose tells whose boss.", N. Gin said with a disgusted tone of voice.

They picked up the call girl.

"Don't say anything.", said Cortex.

"Ok, N. Gin. Tell us your story.", Gentleman said as they sped down freeway. The mini gun shot itself so they were safe.

"Ok. As Cortex said, I was flung in a volcano by Crash but survived. You want you know why?", he said.

"Noo I don't want to know, of course I want to know! Why did you think asked you?", Gentleman said.

"Oh shit. The cops catching up. Hurry up because there is no talking during time travel.", said Robotnik.

"What?! This car can time travel?", said Cortex, now a male, in astonishment.

"Let's continue this in the next chapter.", said Gentleman to the reader.

"Who are you talking to?", asked Robotnik.

"My friend(s)."

"TIME TRAVELING TIME!"

They entered a portal. It was pitch-black. A song was playing.

"Is that..._'Sex Bomb'_?", asked Gentleman to Robotnik.

"Don't ask. Keep talking to your "friends.", shot back Robotnik.

_"Who's he talking to? I must ask . He will probably know.", _thought Cortex.

"Anyway, have a great Thanksgiving. Get fat off of mashed potatoes."

Gentleman smirked at Robotnik.

_**"Just making easy money."**_

_**-King Crimson**_

_**Thanks for reading! Review. Now. Right now. **_

_**Me: You're not funny.**_

_**Gentleman: You know you made me in the imagination. So you called yourself not funny.**_

_**Me: You win.**_


	3. A New Story

**"If it murders you, it will murder me."**

**-Emerson, Lake, and Palmer**

**Hello from the Gentleman! This chapter is going to be crazy good so grab your low-carb popcorn and enjoy! **

As they excited the portal, they appeared next to a huge white sprawling laboratory in the New York forrest.

"Welcome to my lab, Doctors.", said Gentleman.

"Nice digs, man.", said Cortex.

"Reminds of Ikea.", Robotnik said with a sigh. "I really like their food court."

"Come on in. I have dinner ready." Gentleman said as they entered his humble adobe.

"I can't wait to hear to hear your story, N. Gin." Gentleman said to the rather hungry cyborg.

"I'll tell... after dinner!", N. Gin.

As they were eating a dinner consisting of Prime Rib and Lobster, Gentleman explained his invention and the reason they were all there.

"Well my Reality/Dimension/Dream/Machine or RDD is being tested right now down in my basement."

"Whose the guinea pig?", asked Cortex.

"Sonic."

Dr. Robotnik started choking violently, Cortex yelped and hid under the table, and N. Gin's rocket started smoking.

"Calm down friends! Calm down! I've have him inside the machine unconscious. He's not going anywhere."

"I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about his friends!", Robotnik said between gasping breaths.

"I took his friend Chris and all Hell broke loose. Cut off one head and 15 come after!"

"Yeah,", said Cortex. "I heard it through the grapevine about your loss."

"Me too", said N. Gin.

"Got that covered. I killed Amy, Rouge, Tails, Cream, Knuckles, Shadow, and Cosmo. Want to see their deaths? I recorded all 7.", Gentleman said with a joyful grin, as if their reactions were expected.

They all stared at him.

"You are a cold-blooded killer!", said Robotnik.

"I've been battling them for 20 years and it took you?"

"One week."

"You see! How did you kill them?"

"Easy.", said Gentleman with the same grin on his face.

"I went to their homes at night and slit his or her throat."

All of them looked upon the madman with terror, who is still smiling at them with madness glinting in his cold black eyes. He pulled out 3 knives.

"This brings me to the reason why I brought you here.", he said while flossing his teeth with the knives.

"You three are the laughingstocks of bad guys. Robotnik, you had 20 years to kill them all. You failed. Cortex and N. Gin, you had countless allies to defeat Crash. You both failed. There's a pattern. You are not crazy", he said, articulated the last four words very carefully.

"I was hoping that you guys will understand why I'm doing this. I'm not sorry."

He threw 3 knives at their throats. They had no time to react. Their blood ran with the grease of the rib and dripped on the floor.

He turned to the reader.

"This how I disposed of the other 7 bodies."

He yelled, " Come thy hounds of doom, decay, and agony!

Let my bodies of my enemies never return to their families!"

A monstrous beast bounded in from the depths of Hell. The beast of Ceberus, watchdog of Hades. It devoured the bodies. Their souls, weeping and screeching, went to the dark heart of Gentleman.

(Gentleman speaks now. I'll take a day off.)

"Thanks David. Here is a explanation of this story. The 1st chapter a lie. Sonic died in my arms from the loss of blood from my knife stabbing him 20 times in various places. This story is useless."

I went over to my couch from Lazy-Boy and turned on my T.V.

"I got electric lights. And amazing powers of observation. And 30 channels of shit. But... Nobody's Home.", I sang as I destroyed my T.V for having shitty channels.

"Let me tell you something, reader. This is my fanfic now. There is going to be some serious shit from now on. We're not done here."

Good bye.

**Gentleman: How did you like it?**

**Me: It was interesting.**

**Gentleman: ZALGO!**

**Me: It's not Halloween.**

**(Me shakes head and asks myself why did I create Gentleman.)**

**Me: This is makes no sense.**


	4. Chapter one

**Gentleman: This is my story now!**

**Me: Ahh! Stand back. Get away from me! If you kill me I'll cal- (muffled scream)**

**(Gentleman grunts with effort as he stabs David multiple times)**

**Gentleman: Hmm! Now it's really my story. Time to write my own story!**

**(Gentleman opens a portal)**

**Gentleman: First off, Sonic's world! Since it's my story, I use the rewind button. Now no one is dead. Yet.**

**(Gentleman... why do I keep saying things in 3rd person?)**

**I go into the portal with my portal gun.**

**"Live for today... die for tomorrow... HAHAHAHAHAHA!**


	5. Chapter two

_**"We're just two lost fish swimming in a fish bowl..."**_

_**-Pink Floyd**_

_**"Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple."**_

_**Job 5:7 NIV**_

_**"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,**_

_**but fools despise wisdom and discipline.**_

_**Proverbs 1:7 NIV**_

_**Enjoy? !my madness¡ My dear bipolar hypocritical story about nothing and everything about Life, Death, and HOw Fanfictions die prematurely due to a original character. Gdoo Eby, Ulbe Kys! JsjakjzmmjsGSLIVEMAS?.MMKS **_

I stepped out of the portal. I was hungry. For some blood. So killed everyone in Sonic's world except 3 people. Sonic, Amy, and Rouge. You know why, reader? I don't know. Because I control the story I can do whatever I can do. I decided to talk to them. Since they were fighting with me for unforseen reasons, I tied them with a rope on a pole. The exciting conversation went like this:

Me: Want to talk?

Sonic (or S): You're crazy! You killed everyone I ever loved! Why, why, why?

Me: Because I'm evil. Human after all...

I went to Amy. She sobbing like a damm idiot. I put my hands on her face. She struggled. Why? I don't have a clue.

Me: Shh shh shh. Why you cry? Be Happy! :)

Amy (or A): I've lost all my friends and family. Why would I be happy? Why why why?

Me:_ "Because I'm happy, clap along if you feel like a room without a roof."_

I started dancing.

Me: Come on, Amy. Dance! Oh wait. You can't. Tied up. Oh well. Cry and dance while tied up. I like to see you try. I'll talk to you later.

I waltzed over to my last friend, Rouge.

Me: What's new with you?

Rouge (or R): ...

Me: Miss Shadow? I understand. I feel that this how you are going to be the rest of your existence. Silent defiance/grief. I'll put you out of your misery.

I shot her. 6 times. It was rather gratifying to see the before and after comparison of her face. Cuteness to Marvin from "Pulp Fiction". Sonic started weeping and Amy started into convulsions from happiness. I'm so overwhelmed for her finally understanding her point in life.

(Reader 1: This is boring! Lemon now!

My response is go read a story with lemons, you choad.

Reader 2: This is too bloody and gory! When is the protagonist going to win?

My response is no one wins. That's Life.

Reader 3: You make no sense!

My response is that's Life. Luck, coincidence, and mankind make no sense. Why should This make sense, then?)

S: Explain why are you doing this.

Me: To free you from freedom. To let me rattle quotes and advice that no cares about. To see suffering. To see death. To entertain or bore fans of various faucets of Life. To eat chow fun. To make no sense. To make a lot of sense. To shoot your girlfriend.

"Excuse me."

I shot her. Short and simple.

"Now you and I are the last people on Earth."

He looked at me with utter lack of comprehension of what I was saying and what I just said.

Me: As I was saying. "To be or not to be", is the question of Life. Or is it not? Sonic my dear boy, is this making sense?

S: ... no.

Me: What do I have to do to get it through your thick head?! This not real! None of this is! This is crap stemming for David's imagination! This could be Heaven or Hell! Just look at it from a different perspective. The perspective of nonsense! I myself killed David. But his legacy lives. As he once said, "No creation is greater then it's creator." I'm being controlled by him but I think I'm controlling him and the story but he is. Not just me! Everyone is this Fanfiction is. Or isn't? Don't you see?

S: ... I see nothing... and see everything.

Me: You get it. Or you get it because David wants you to get. I'm going to kill you and I. I want to because I said so. Or David said so. I don't know.

So I shot him. Then me. It was very uplifting.

The world was empty but I wasn't. I was free. So was Sonic, Amy, Rouge, Tai- oh. I'm supposed to be dead. Dead people don't talk. Good bye. I hope this made a profound impact on your life. It probably didn't? You why? Because none of this true. Or is it..?...

CommunicationBreakdownTheTalkingDrumincoherentwordsstartingtotakeplaceHaveagooddayJereitkomesjdjdiendieowpwpwpdjdbfbchfbfbfbciemmllllaksjendbcbbzzziendjzzzisji;$9»©|¥¡¥¥¥¥¡*€{¡||][¡*¡%~.THe sIGhts Of hELL bRINgs peoPLE bacK FOr MOre... HAve a MeRRy Christmas.

_David speaking:_

_I really hoped this really confused you. I wish you adieu. I also hope this makes a lot of sense to you and you will pass around to your friends and and make this Fanfiction popular. I will not mind if this makes no sense to you. It only makes sense to four people._

_1. Me_

_2. Myself_

_3: I_

_4. God_

_Have a wonderful day or night. Bye._

_"Happy Family"_

_Happy family, one hand clap, four went by and none come back._

_Brother Judas, ash and sack, swallowed aphrodisiac._

_Rufus, Silas, Jonah too sang, "We'll blow our own canoes,"_

_Poked a finger in the zoo, punctured all the ballyhoo_

_Whipped the world and beat the clock, wound up with their share of stock._

_Silver Rolls from golden rock, shaken by a knock, knock, knock._

_Happy family, wave that grin, what goes round must surely spin;_

_Cheesecake, mousetrap, Grip-Pipe-Thynne cried out, "We're not Rin Tin Tin."_

_Uncle Rufus grew his nose, threw away his circus clothes_

_Cousin Silas grew a beard, drew another flask of weird_

_Nasty Jonah grew a wife, Judas drew his pruning knife._

_Happy family one hand clap, four went on but none came back_

_Happy family, pale applause, each to his revolving doors._

_Silas searching, Rufus neat, Jonah caustic, Jude so sweet._

_Let their sergeant mirror spin if we lose the barbers win;_

_Happy family one hand clap, four went on but none came back_

_ myforums/The-Pragmatic-Pragmatist-Man/6285964/_


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